Being A Republican For Retards

It's 'retards' as in stupid people, not handicapped people. I have nothing against the handicapped, I support the special Olympics. I'm sure someone will jump on me about the title. Whatever you have to do to ignore the bulk of the information presented to you. Republicans are really good at that.
Here's the shortbus...err I mean shortlist of how to be a Republican.
 
1. Insist that George W. Bush was the greatest president ever, make sure you attack anyone that suggests anything he did had a negative long-lasting impact on any aspect of America today.
 
2. Start a collection of magazines, no matter how reputable they may be which offer false evidence that Obama is not an American citizen. Mention this 'evidence' when confronted with anything positive that Obama has done since becoming president.
 
3. Say the word 'Death-panel' at least twelve times to each and every person you meet that supports health care reform. Use the word so much that you actually believe in 'Death-panels' even though the issue has been proven to be a lark. 'But I can't afford health care on my own.' The only correct response to this statement for a Republican is 'Get a better job or it's the Death-panel for you Hippy!' Then spit on them.

 
4. Support smaller government and larger corporate control, because you have to believe that large corporations care more about the well being of Americas than the government. Shake your fist at anyone that suggests they care more about profit than people, and site all the wonderful things corporations have done for American people. Try not to mention any environmental destruction, asbestos, lead poisoning, or pollution.
 
5. Apologize to big oil for the whiny Americans that want them to clean up their mess. In fact just apologize to every corporation whenever the government tries to hold them accountable for anything. See Blame everything on Obama.

 
6. Invest in Kryptonite, Superman is a democrat and someday he might come for you. Buy a bunch of guns and a decommissioned bunker while you're at it, Lex Luthor will cut you a great deal.
 
7. Never worry about anything that's likely to happen, whip yourself into a frenzy over things that won't happen. Then when they don't happen say it's because you stood up to it.

 
8. Buy a Carbonite Subscription, because Glenn Beck says it's good and Mac's fail just like PC's do. Plus external hard drives are like internal hard drives, and it's like having a spleen on the outside of your body. In Beck we Trust.
 
9. Blame everything on Obama and I mean everything. Papercut? Obama caused it by not regulating the paper industry more judiciously. Yell at Democrats for blaming everything on Bush, yell at anyone that suggests Bush was anything but perfect. Always deny that any of his policies are the cause of any current problems with the country.

 
10. Tape a poster of Sarah Palin to your ceiling and sing 'Happy birthday Misses President' while you touch yourself at night. Always tell people that Sarah is brilliant and that none of your opinion of her is based on physical attraction. Insist that anyone who criticizes her is being sexist, and if you are female vehemently deny that any feminist fervor has clouded your judgment. "She's just really smart and happens to be a pretty lady." is an acceptable retort to such an accusation.
 
11. Keep a highlighter and a copy of 'The Overton Window' in your bathroom. Tell everyone you know what a great book it is and how genuine you think Glenn Beck is, even when he fake cries, blathers about carbonite, blames soccer for the worlds problems, or says that public schools need to be abolished.
 
12. Have the largest number of registered voters in the country and still lose an election to a Democrat.

I Hate Politics... Probably Weird for a Political Blog

(Disclaimer; I do not endorse murdering your neighbors, killing homeless people, liquifying politicians, euthanizing grandparents, water-boarding hobos, or killing all democrats and I'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't want his followers to kill people. This post is full of angry irony, sarcasm, and exaggeration!)

Shut the @!$%# up.
 
Everyone seems to care a great deal about politics in this country, at least they care about talking about politics, oh and 'being right'. We all want to 'talk', but obviously not 'do' anything. I mean let's face it, if everyone 'walked it like they talked it' the President Bush would have been impeached, the republicans would have risen up and killed all the democrats, marijuana would be legalized everywhere, health care would be abolished and so on and so on.

Nut up or shut up.

It's our America right. If enough of us want something changed we should be able to make it happen right? Or are we only able to talk about it, take cheap shots at each other and call it progress. We're an awfully divided nation right now maybe we need a little civil war to get the bad blood out.

Do you really want to leave the future of this country in the hands of politicians? Really? Politicians are like a bunch of grade school kids beating the tar out of one another after school over who gets to ride on the swing, and there isn't just one swing there's like fifteen swings on this imaginary playground.

The future of of politics isn't bright either. History will record our current political arena as the 'You suck!' - 'No you suck!' Era.The time that turned passive aggressive political threatening into a single word. 'Passivaggressivoliticalthreatening'. Perfectly represented by a republican's statement that democrat's shouldn't expect any cooperation from republicans for the rest of the year.Good threat dude, threatening to continue to not cooperate.

Washington should be a big mixing pot, red and blue make purple. Which is silly because everyone knows you can't mix people together like paints, unless you liquefy them first. Even then it's more like red and blue make really disgusting red with bits of organ matter in it.
What we really need are some active aggressive political threats.

Don't like your neighbor because he's a democrat? Blow his @!$%#ing face off (I mean of course you own a gun you're a republican right, ). They sure as hell won't see it coming, but they might be a little cross with you for interrupting their POGO.com time. Let's face it you were probably thinking about killing your neighbor anyway and you know what the good book says about that.Thinking about murdering someone and actually murdering them is the same in the eyes of the lord. You're a republican though so I guess it all depends on which side you cleave to, God or Gun.

After you kill your neighbor maybe you could go deal with the homeless problem. It's their fault right, I mean cause they didn't try hard enough.Take the kids along, nothing says father/son bonding like water-boarding a railroad hobo together.

Buck up democrats, you bent over backward and nearly broke yourself trying to cooperate with the republicans. It failed because you tried to make nice with your enemies, and while you were making a peace cake in your easy bake oven, they were dumping a big bucket of 'brownie' batter on your face.

Can you blame them? I mean you kind of left yourself wide open there. It's your fault for trying to cooperate in the first place. We should all learn to not cooperate, let Washington leads us by example, strength in disparity.

Kudos to the Democrats though for jamming health care reform through anyway. That's how politics should be, the majority rules, the minority squirms, I'm sure this won't have any negative effects on the country's morale. Send grandma to the death panel, she's old and useless anyway, just like everyone in politics.

I don't see why Republicans don't like the idea of death panels. Their all God fearing right? They could just call it a heaven panel. Time to go to heaven grandma. Other than the fact that the death panel isn't real, which may be the only thing it has in common with the afterlife.

Dig in republicans, get out there and kill some people, spark a revolution... do something, do anything but the same @!$%# you've been doing. Handing our country over to the mega-corporations while projecting christian values so all the brainwashed, mega-church attendee's will keep voting for you.

Jesus wants us to kill people duh...okay...baaaaaaaa!. The Christian Right can't even get their own religion right, no wonder they love republicans so much. Maybe they should change their name to The Christian Wrong. All of this to say 'I won't be writing about politics anymore' not seriously anyway, who could?

Glenn Beck and James Dobson, some of my least favorite people.

     One of Glenn Becks televised rantings including Dr. James Dobson as a guest speaker attempted to tackle the issue of prayer in school in regards to the dissolution of a 'Moment of Silence' law in Illinois.Robert Gettleman a district court judge in Northern Illinois eliminated the law because it gave the option for children to use the moment of silence for prayer. Gettleman believes that this situation would force children at an impressionable age to contemplate religion.

Which it would. If you're an Atheist and your kid is forced to sit in classroom with other children who are praying they're probably going to start asking you some questions. Public schools are state-funded, if you're an atheist this is akin to the state telling your child that they're beliefs are wrong. Thus violating the separation of church and state.
Gettleman said he would reconsider the law if the option to use the moment of silence for prayer were removed.

 I personally don't have a problem with children praying in school but I don't think the schools should allot a specific time for it either. Drop the part about prayer and give the kids a moment of silence, if they want to use the time for prayer who cares as long as they do it in silence they're not subjecting or impressing their beliefs on anyone else. It does not need to be specified in the law that this time can be used for prayer. Sounds reasonable to me. Beck however switches his weapons systems to 'Armed' and calls in his wing-man Dr. Dobson for a round of 'Bash the Atheists'. Opening with the astounding claim that this is part of a conspiracy to remove God from America.

" 90% of us believe that their is a god, 90%. Yet we seem to be pushed around by 10%, and I don't care, you don't believe in god, you want to worship a broom, I could really care less. Now there's some people that want to remove god from America entirely and uh, you know right here in this country that is you know 'one nation under God you can't even now use the word prayer in school because it makes the children cry. Some people want to force their non-belief down our throats. I ain't forcing it down your throat don't force your non-belief - I don't care what you believe in, just leave god alone...please. " - Beck

Trust me Glenn, atheists want nothing more than to leave God alone. Obviously you do care what other people believe in when you ask them to leave God alone. They are leaving God alone, you're not leaving them alone and neither would the 'Moment of Silence' law had it been passed in it's current state.

The attack run on atheists continues;

" Let me ask you this, are the children of atheists so fragile that the idea of prayer could actually warp their minds?" - Beck

I don't know Glenn, are religious children so fragile that their faith could actually warp without a moment of prayer in school? Or are you implying that atheists are mentally fragile because they don't share your beliefs? Shame on you.

"...Religion coming under attack where we are sitting here in a country now where we can't even say prayer, it's been deemed unconstitutional to even say the word prayer to our children. That's crazy."

Certainly is, I know of now such law that has outlawed the use of the word 'prayer'. Pass to Dobson.

" ..the decision that was handed down this week was not even about prayer, it was about a moment of silence. Without any mention of prayer. All that the school was doing was giving kids an opportunity to sit and think, they could contemplate, they could reflect, they could think about a baseball game coming, or they could pray, but nobody mentioned prayer. So it's the most extreme decision that's been handed down with regard to schools. They just have to eliminate even the possibility that somebody might pray." - Dobson

Nobody mentioned prayer, except in the wording of the law itself! No one is trying to eliminate the possibility of prayer, how could they? Kids could be praying at any moment in their heads and no one would know. The law needs to be re-worded with the option for prayer excluded from it's contents so it doesn't imply that the state is allotting time in school to be used for religious purposes, duh.

Are you really a doctor James? Or does reality simply interfere with your righteous indignation?
Glenn continues, botching his line and actually saying the opposite of what he meant to say in the middle of his statement.

"... if we say that god doesn't exist, in this country our rights come from god. If you eliminate god who do the rights come from? The answer is the State, they'll replace the State with god. This is an effort....and look I don't care if you don't believe in god, that's fine whatever. But if you take god out of the picture where do the rights come from? " - Beck

I think he meant to say '..they'll replace god with the State.'

Dobson responds with a misquote;

"Well it comes from The Constitution, you know, it says that we are endowed by the creator with certain unalienable rights, and uh if you say that rights do not come from god and they come from the State, they can be taken away. If you say, as our founding fathers did, that rights come from god they are unalienable. Uh and it uh is a really a question of freedom, everything is wrapped up in this issue of where those rights come from. " -Dobson

Actually Dr. Dobson it comes from the Declaration of Independence, not the Constitution and guess what Glenn, your rights do come from the State.

" We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness." - from The Declaration of Independence

The Creator may give you the rights, but the governments of the world enforce the rights. If the creator were doing the enforcing then all the believers in the world would have these rights. Obviously this is not the case since many god-fearing people in third world countries go without.

Now I offer you the reader a moment of silence for Glen Beck and Dr. James Dobson, pray for them if you're religious, pity them if you're not.

Nation Of Strangers

     My grandfather was a bar owner for sixty some odd years. He made a living off his regulars, standing behind a bar all day drinking miller lite and 'shooting the breeze'. Most of the time if he wasn't talking about the war he'd spin some yarns about 'the good ole days'.

    A grand old storyteller he was, mind you the more he drank the more embellished his tales became. One of his frequent ramblings was about block parties 'back in the day'. Everyone on the block in the old neighborhood would set a Friday or Saturday aside, block off a street and have a party.

     There would be food and beer and booze, and everyone knew everyone. People would play cards, talk about the weather, spread gossip and chat about politics. The kids in the neighborhood did likewise, minus the liquor and politics.

     It wasn't a great story, or even a good one but I was fascinated by the concept. I've never been to a block party, not in my hometown where I knew everyone. That's just not something people do around here anymore.

     Sure people go out, they go bowling, they go to bars. I suppose if you go to one place long enough eventually you know everyone that hangs out there, but it's not the same. The sense of community that makes a block party great is, for the most part, gone. The spirit of different age.

     I've lived in five different houses since I was twelve, all in the same town on different blocks. Out of all those blocks I can count on one hand the number of neighbors I knew by name. Just a bunch of strangers living in close proximity.

    I see my neighbors at least once a day. I don't talk to them but I know they're there, maybe that's good enough, I hate to think what that says about us as species though. Humans are social creatures, selectively. We pick and choose who we congregate with, so why don't we choose to know those that live closest to us?

     Fear perhaps, prejudice maybe, or is it just a lack of interest?
 
     Anyone who owns a home owes it to themselves to know their neighbors. Anyone who lives in an apartment building, even more so. At the very least to quiet or confirm their suspicions that the person next door is an axe murderer. Strangers make poor neighbors, and an even poorer nation.

What Is Folderol?

If you're reading this blog then it's reasonable to assume that you know what the second word in the title means. However, on the off chance that you don't know what it means I feel the need to ask you two questions; The first being ' Have you ever played Vampire: The Masquerade?' and ' Why are you reading this blog if you don't understand the title?

Folderol has no simple definition, in fact it means several things. One definition is foolishness or nonsense, another is nonsensical talk or writing, and yet another defines Folderol as 'a trifle', or 'a gewgaw'. Most people understand what a trifle is but if you're like me you scratch your head when you see the word 'gewgaw', and probably mutter some profanity under your breath as well.

Then you type 'gewgaw' into your search engine or go to Wikipedia. To save you that virtual trip I looked it up myself. A 'gewgaw' is best defined as a showy but valueless trinket, often considered gaudy. But wait there's more. The word Folderol also refers to nonsensical lyrics in a song, like in the song 'Blue' that came out when I was in high school; 'I'm blue, da ba de da ba die'. Meaningless words spoken, either as filler or to keep the beat of a song.

Google the lyrics if you don't believe me. 

Folderol, a word as confusing as the state or situation it attempts to describe. So why put 'America' in front of it? As an American I feel that Folderol is the best word to describe the American situation. We're blitzed by our media, bombarded with foolishness and nonsense from our government and from one another. 

Amidst the confusion and clutter, or perhaps because of it, can anyone say definitively what it means to be an American? This blog is my soapbox, from whence I will espouse that which I believe makes us truly American, the good, the bad, and the folderol.